L. O. V. E. R. - The Five Loves

If you've read any of my blogs, you know about The Five Loves. A question I’ve been frequently asked to discuss on my internet radio show is, “What type of love does my relationship need?” The simple answer is all five, the acrostic for which is L.O.V.E.R.: Laureate, Objective, Vicarious, Emotional, and Relative. The most important of which is Laureate Love.

Laureate Love is necessary because unconditional love is the foundation for all relationships, especially serious romantic ones. It is reflected in the boyfriend who is understanding of his girlfriend's mood swings and allows her time and support to work through them instead of retaliating. It appears in the wife who is patient with a husband’s tendency to leave the toilet seat up and squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle. Giving this kind of love requires time and energy. While the opposite of Emotional Love is hate, the opposite of Laureate Love is indifference and inattention.

Objective Love allows couples to have passions for things other than just each other. The wife whose husband must travel for work is happier when she has a hobby of her own to keep her busy in his absence. Time and space apart in small quantities can be a healthy addition to relationships. It is important that individuals not lose themselves and their own identity in the process of building a relationship. They should continue to love and enjoy the things that make them who they are.

Vicarious Love is beneficial also because it leads lovers to find common interests. It allows friendships to develop and grow. It keeps laughter alive and creates an environment for sharing enjoyable experiences. This love allows partners to enjoy doing things together. Maybe it's traveling, going to concerts, reading a book, watching a favorite television show, researching a business idea, or serving at church.

Emotional Love is essential because it brings about a deeper connection and makes incredible passion come alive between two people. Some individuals, unwilling to be vulnerable to hurt, argue against falling in love. They hope to avoid the fall that metaphorically can lead to “bumping their head.” They fail to understand that having Emotional Love can truly be the spice of life. Even love lost is always better than a life of loveless-ness.

Relative Love is beneficial for marriages, especially as two lovers become one, and work to view each other not only as spouses, but also as family. Family members look after and support each other. So should two people in a relationship. Loving relationships are life’s most valuable treasures, whether a monogamous relationship between lovers or simply one between friends. Life’s greatest meaning is founded in relationship building and the giving of love. Life becomes worth living when one realizes that love is worth giving. Life is meant to be a shared experience. It is possible to survive without relationships, but in order to thrive, men and women are better off with the loving support of each other.

Having relationships is so important that penal systems do not allow them in order to punish prisoners. It’s called solitary confinement. Isolation can be painful because life is diminished without meaningful relationships. Separation from relationships and love withers the soul.

Humans are designed to have relationships where they are the givers and receivers of love. Love is more than fairy tale romance or a favor for a favor. It can be expressed in many ways: as a feeling, a connection, an action, and beyond. Its greatest fulfillment is found when individuals free themselves to give love and to receive love in return.

The conveyance of love can even change with a simple punctuation. For example, “I love you?” “I love you.” and “I love you!” It is important to be clear about what is meant. My grandfather often quoted a Hebrew prophet who queried, "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" If two people don't agree on what love is, can they truly know if they love each other?

Hopefully, this discussion will enable men and women to start the process of defining expressions of love and having the courage to share it. With grace and audacity, harmony and union will result. As the Hebrew prophet might concur, there is truly no greater agreement. Such an agreement is the foundation for having the audacity to love.

L.O.V.E.R. – Summary Illustrations of The Five Loves

L- Laureate Love: The man giving his life as a ransom for his fair-weather friends and enemies. This is the ultimate example of love, an action.

O – Objective Love: The young lady at the boutique in the women’s apparel section who ‘loves’ the store's newest blouse and skirt.

V – Vicarious Love: The close friend one loves, who is always great company for the playoff game or ladies’ night out.

E – Emotional Love: The couple who are so deeply in love that when they go places together there are no memories of the people that were in their surroundings. So entrenched in each other, it always seems as though no one else is there.

R – Relative Love: The daughter looking over her childhood and the sacrifices her parents made for her, realizing there is nothing quite like a parent’s love.