Relative Love: "I Love My Family"

The fifth and final type of love to consider is Relative Love. A historical reference for Relative Love is found in the Greek word ‘storge’, a word describing love between parent and child. There is a special connection between a parent and child and between blood relatives. Some argue that a mother’s love is even deeper than a father’s (others strongly disagree) because of the natural connection formed during the trimesters of pregnancy. A parent’s love can lead to great sacrifices.

An example is the father who voluntarily donates one of his kidneys to save the life of his daughter. Another example is the single mother who works two jobs to keep food on the table for her children and, selflessly, still makes time to cook dinner, iron clothes, and help them with homework. All this, after getting home from work late at night. Or, there is the example of an aunt, uncle, or grandparent who is willing to take on the parenting of a young family member whose parents cannot care for her or him.

Relative Love is an incredible love, yet it is not to be held in quite as high regard as Laureate Love. It is a love that exists not only between relatives (meaning family), but is in itself relative (meaning based on the situation). One reason that some parents give less parental love to their children is that they did not experience the love of a biological or surrogate parent during their childhood.

One example is the father who can only love his child at the level that he was loved as a child by his own father. It may not be intentional, but the love shown toward the child is transmitted only as much as the parent is able to give it. The fact that some parents are only able to give love relative to the way they’ve received it can be detrimental.

In addition, Relative Love can be self-centered. It can be expressed as a focus on expectations for children that are more about the parent’s hopes than the child’s deepest needs. An example is the parent who badgers his or her child who is enrolled in college about the student’s choice of what to study for a specific career. The parent’s motives could be a desire to brag about the child’s accomplishment (and subsequently, the ability to parent), a need to feel in control, or wanting to sense successfulness through the child that may be missing in the parent’s life. What the young student may need most is encouragement and freedom of choice.

Parents who demonstrate Laureate Love would support the student’s choice (as long as it isn’t detrimental to the young person or others) instead of unfairly projecting their own dreams onto her or him. Relative Love can flourish in cases where the parents and relatives have made the choice to combine Laureate Love, even adding Vicarious Love. Powerful, positive effects on children and their destinies are the reward of families who make such a determination.