Finding the Secret to Lasting Love

Monastic Philosopher, Guatama Buddha once said, "What is the difference between "I like you" and "I love you"? When you like a flower, you just pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it daily. One who understands this, understands life."

Love is the apex of the human experience. The master teacher and founder of the Christian faith taught that the most important line item on humanity’s to do list is to love. A host of new age thinkers, too, contend that life at its fullest is all about love.

Love is the greatest expression of life. Psychologists suggest that human beings’ greatest desire is for affection and validation. People are made for love and designed to love. The need for love is as common for boys as it is for girls, for rich as it is for poor, for men as it is for women.

The beauty and grandeur of love elicits tears of joy, creates happy new relationships, and restores failing ones. As famed writer James Baldwin penned, “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” Love liberates and opens up new possibilities in the lives of two people and those around them. Indeed, the love life between two people affects their children, extended family, and friends.

The strength of familial love is inextricably tied to the success or failure of family, community, and society. Numerous empirical research studies indicate that stable homes contribute to lower crime rates and higher academic performance in students. It is through love that humanity finds her sans pareil and truest self.

Love is famous. On the Hollywood silver screen, love is preeminent. What is more fitting for the post-climax of a blockbuster film than a guy gets girl ending? In action films, for example, the hero often has two tasks. First, he must conquer the powerful, evil antagonist. Second, he has to save the pretty woman or at least find his way back to her. If the hero and the woman don’t hug or kiss at the end, the movie seems to be missing something.

Love requires a definition. For love to occupy such a pervasive place within human experience, it would seem that its definition would be almost universally agreed upon and uniformly applied. But, this is not the case. Love can mean zero points in a tennis game. Love can also mean applause at a concert or stage show.

Imagine the Bostonian NBA sports enthusiast seated on the living room couch, all smiles. He is watching a late night Los Angeles Lakers vs. Boston Celtics season game on television. As his wife heads upstairs to bed she says, "I love you." He responds in a similar fashion with, “And, I love you." An hour later, after a spectacular game winning shot by a player on his team, he excitedly quotes the NBA motto, “I love this game!” It appears that his idea of love may have more than one definition.

I doubt that his sleeping wife would appreciate hearing that her husband's love for her is comparable to his affection for a professional basketball game buzzer beater. Hopefully, her Boston Celtics fan husband doesn’t mean love in the same way in both contexts. The relationship is not based on sound footing if the two people in this relationship don’t share a common understanding of love.

Love is varying forms of affection expressed from one person to another person, place, or thing. Historical philosophy and contemporary experience allow us to consider five translations for the differing types and meanings given to the word love.

The acronym L.O.V.E.R. can be used to describe each type of love: Laureate, Objective, Vicarious, Emotional, and Relative. Laureate Love defines unconditional love; Objective Love is fondness toward an object; Vicarious Love is love between friends; Emotional Love is found in romance; and Relative Love is affection from parent to child, and in many cases, between family members. Having definitions for different types of love will contribute to greater clarity among men and women. Understanding love is an integral part of upgrading relationships. It uniquely facilitates reaching common ground..."

Comprehension of the meaning of love is the supreme foundational principle for relationships. The glaring question is, can two people truly know if they love each other if they have not agreed on what love is?